A
FINS Holiday Carol
Twas the night before Sunday,
when all through the pool
Not a swimmer was swimming,
`cause it was much too cool.
Their swim caps were green
as you might expect,
From too much chlorine in
Friends Select.
The Fins were all dozing
at home on their beds,
While visions of parties
danced in their heads.
And me in my apron, my trick
in his leather,
Had just finished cooking
through inclement weather.
When out in the `hood there
arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the kitchen
to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew
with a prance,
Tore open the curtains and
pulled up my pants.
The moon on the breast of
the new-fallen `mo
Gave the luster of freshness
to the people below.
And, what to my wandering
eyes did appear,
But their tiny bikinis, showing
all, tight and sheer.
With a voice so strong,
it commanded all men,
I knew in a moment it must
be Coach Jen.
More rapid than Corey her
orders they came,
And she whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name!
"Now
Keith! now, Kyle! now,
Patrick and Don!
On, Chunk! On, Mark! On Todd
and Anh!
To the top of the steps!
And get through the door!
Tanqueray! Tanqueray! Tanqueray!
Pour!!"
As waves that crash after
wild hurricanes churn,
When they meet with an obstacle,
they do a flip turn.
So into the house the swimmers
they swished,
With their arms full of bottles,
and desserts freshly dished.
And then, in a twinkling,
I heard in the hall
High heel and toe tapping
like a Minnesota stall.
As I drew in my head, and
turned right around,
I was struck with a fear
that I'd soon be bound.
She was dressed all in leather,
from her foot to her head,
Save for the fur of some
creature, now long since
dead.
A bundle of "Toys" she
had flung on her back,
And she took out a paddle,
from her just opened pack.
Her eyes-how they twinkled!
her dimples how merry!
My face had just whitened,
this could be most scary!
Her hair was drawn tightly
back into a bun,
She was here to inspect if
the party was fun.
The grip of a whip she held
tight in her teeth,
And the end of it dangled
right down beneath.
She had handcuffs and collars
and objects from hell,
The terror of judgment put
me under a spell!
She poked at the entrees
and sampled the apps,
And soon became satisfied
it wasn't just scraps!
A wink of her eye and the
nod of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had
nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but
went straight to her work,
And filled all the glasses,
then turned with a jerk.
And cupping her hands besides
her lip,
Announced to all, "It's
worth the trip!"
"Lanes
one through six, hoooooold
up!! And remember,
The Fins Holiday Party, the
first of December!
It's at 1922 Carpenter, amid
urban blight,
Be there, be merry, from
seven at night!"
Find out which Fins member
had the time to adapt this
Christmas classic at the
party.
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