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The sea was angry that day, my friends - Mon Jul 16, 2007

"A man is never lost at sea...", Hemingway opines in "The Old Man and the Sea" as he wrestles with his mythic marlin. I would have welcomed a marlin, or even one of the dolphins I was swimming to save, if either of them had brought me swiftly and safely through this "1-mile" race.

The 11th Annual Swim for the Dolphin 1-mile open ocean swim in Wildwood, NJ, took place in the wildest water I've ever swum in. That includes a 2.6 mile bay swim that was churned up by an incoming hurricane some years ago. Having frolicked earlier that beautiful morning in the gentle still water of Sea Isle City a bit north, I was quite surprised by the ominous swells that dared 300 people to take them on as the sun quietly disappeared from the sky.

Perhaps I should have taken heed when the ¾ body suit I had found among Jim's possessions failed to zip up as the race was getting ready to start. As I later tumbled in the waves, I imagined him with hands on hips saying, "Uh, hello? Wasn't that hint enough?!" Relegated to my too-small Fins Speedo, my only comfort was that the water wasn't terribly cold.

Having mentally prepared myself for the slaughter that is several hundred people clamoring to make a hairpin turn around the first flag, I was immediately insulted by the barrage of waves preventing people from even reaching that first flag. Once I had successfully kicked several 12-yr old girls in the face, and pummeled and old man in the groin with my uncontrollable stroke, I felt relief that I was finally on course and swimming parallel to the coast.

Redefining "parallel" was an unintended consequence of the washing machine in which this lonely sock was swirled about. Had I never stopped to look around, I'd most likely be halfway to France by now (Paris WAS really great, though), or in pieces – some on the ocean floor, some in the bellies of various Great Whites I'm sure I saw along the way.

In the one stretch where I felt like I was actually gaining ground, so to speak, I faintly heard what I thought was someone yelling "Look Out!" Before I could raise my head to scope out the situation, a planet-sized wall of white water creamed the entire field of competitors, spinning us like pin-wheels in the wind. Once I found air again, I let out a yelp to the effect "Are you f&@*ing kidding me?!!!"

Soldiering on, I zig-zagged my way from flag to flag, occasionally spotting cute young guys in lifeguard boats pointing and saying "That way, stupid!" Deciding my only hope was drafting behind some people who seemed to know what they were doing, I took pleasure in the unexpected comfort of having my head smacked repeatedly by feet that would surely lead me back to shore.

As my partner Eric and our friend Suzette watched the trickling crawl of dazed competitors stumble up through the finish line as though Poseidon himself had sucker-punched them in the gut, they wondered, "Why is he doing this?" Why, indeed? Because it was freakin' awesome. Bring on the next one!

"He is very fatigued and the fish has dragged him far out into the Gulf. But he knows he will return: "A man is never lost at sea..." –
"Papa" Hemingway, 1952.

Paris, DC, Copenhagen and Cologne - Fri 1st June

A shorter, bouncier version of the Platform appears this month, as my feet hurt too much for a proper dissertation on recent and upcoming events. Having walked every square inch, er centimeter, of the City of Lights, the pain somehow wafted up to my fingers. Plus, emailing from France was all the more difficult since their keyboards are all
wrong (said the man at the center of the universe)

Paris was awesome, film at 11.

Start thinking about Cologne (Koln) Germany for Gay Games 2010 (only three years away!). There's a Q&A at the William Way Ctr. Mon. the 4th. Meet other Team Philly athletes, and learn how you can earn you're way there. (See www.teamphiladelphi a.org for all the events, including ours on the 7th.)

Start thinking even more about Copenhagen, Denmark, where IGLA 2009 will occur. Volunteer at Fins events to help earn money towards that trip.

Start training now for IGLA DC, which will be held this time next year, so we can blow them out of the water!

Sign up for committees for our "Come Out And Swim" Meet this October 6th. We are only as strong as the number of volunteers we have. Please be a contributing part of the team effort, and let's keep up our tradition of putting on a stellar meet!

Merci Beaucoup,
Bon Jour,
Can I get frites wit dat?

bjc

My Spring Has Sprung A Leak - Tue 8th May, 2007

Originally entitled "Lust for Life", this little missive got lost in the shuffle of a tumultuous April.

Since last I blathered, we saw Corey compete in Mr. Gay Philly, I celebrated my 8th anniversary, some of us celebrated St. Pat's Day, we held a Team Meeting, I saw Spamalot with my folks, I went on a Boy's Night Out with my old straight friends, we saw Martha Graham Cracker at L'Etage, we saw Ryan, Corey and David in the Raven Swim Suit competition, some of us suffered through Easter, I hung with Florida Fins chicks Michelle and Jill at Iggy Pop and Sisters Karaoke, took a CPR class, filed through Tax Day, attended a GPPN Mixer and the IBA kick-off Meeting, enjoyed my (gulp) 25th H.S. reunion, went on a work trip to Chicago, missed the Swim Clinic, avoided rehab with Amy Winehouse, but slept through Equality Forum.

(Breathe every five strokes). And, before we jet off to Paris, I have to learn French, attend Coach Tom's fundraiser, visit Ma for Mother's Day, take unusual joy in voting on Election Day, hold the May Board Meeting, and take my husband away for a weekend since he can't go to France (extradition laws or something.) Fortunately, I didn't spend any real time planning a Pink Flamingo for Paris, since only seven of us will be there. It's a shame, because Philly's own singer, Pink, was going to get the treatment.

So, I'm exhausted. All of the above omits the pool search, clinic set-up, equipment fixes, suit ordering and myriad other team business that goes on behind closed locker room doors.

Special thanks go out to the Merit Awards committee of Joan Buehler, George Horan, Art Cruz, John Bishop and Pat Rooney for their expeditious execution of the Level One awards for 2007.

So, that's all I can muster, mister. Until next time, I'll leave you with snippets of the original blather. Read at your own cognitive risk:

"Not letting up on that night's lust for life, I conned them into singing an excruciating "Bohemian Rhapsody". This is why Lust is a deadly sin.

(the Bike Stop was) "Unusually bright with a multi-media art show, I stumbled erratically, desperately attempting to avoid sights that are better left to dim lighting. Retreating to the pool table upstairs, I found comfort running the table and mercilessly beating Dennis……at billiards."

"Always a good idea following a three-night bender - CPR class! "Annie, Annie, are you okay?" This one's got neither lust, nor life. Pining for the good old days of mouth-to-mouth, I fumbled with the plastic applicator used to breathe life into people these days. And by people, I mean resuscitation mannequins. And by mannequin, I mean "Buddy", the twink. If I didn't explode his lungs with my breath, er, my breathing, I certainly crushed every plastic rib he might have had. Still feeling a bit woozy myself, I was comforted by the presence of an AED (Automated External Defibrillator) . Damn, it's just a training model."

bjc

Moon Over Miami - Wed 7th Mar, 2007

As we paddled through the dark, still water of the Oleta River, I suddenly spotted the strangely colored orb we had set out to gaze upon. "There it is!", I exclaimed, pointing to an unexpectedly oblong, bright blue moon between the upper branches of the river's canopy. "Hey, wait a minute, since when did Goodyear start advertising on the moon?", I deflatedly lamented.

Alas, it was not the target of our trek, but a bright, blinking, brilliantly evil marketing ploy of a blimp from one of my clients. Note to self - cancel their financing plan when I get home.

A short while later, eagle-eyed Jim Harper cooed from the darkness in his best Mariah Carey voice, "There it is, I think?" It was in fact there, a bit left of the blimp, and a whole lot darker, seeing as that pesky Earth we were sitting on was blocking the light from the Sun for this normally full moon.

You see, `twas a kayaking trip through the Oleta River State Park in Miami during the total lunar eclipse with our Fins Chicks to the South, Jill Burke and Michele Huyette, who so perfectly hosted my husband and I during the Miami Nadadores Spring Splash.

If you think for a moment that this bunch of loons didn't make theirway through stanzas of "Total Eclipse of the Heart", "Moon River", "Blue Moon" and "My Heart Will Go On", you are sadly mistaken. And a very sad mistake was made by the unfortunate several dozen other people who chose that night to commune with nature and endure our warbling.

Apparently, I hadn't had enough at the meet earlier that day, where I swam five events in under two hours. No, that didn't hurt enough. Please, let me row 5 miles through the murky darkness where vicious manatees are known to prey, just off the Biscayne Bay.

But, it was nothing a bonfire and a few unrelated beers couldn't fix. As we ruminated around the glowing yellow, orange, and red flames strangely brightened by the now sun-like full moon in an indigo sky, we regaled about our conquests, well, my conquests, earlier that day at the pool.

As the only non-Floridian competing in the meet, and with a small cheering section in the stands, I handily took my heat in the 100yd Free at 56+ seconds. Beaming at once with pride and derision, former Fins President and Coach Jim Harper laid upon me a string of beads as I lurched out of the crisp, clean water with a hack and a smile.

Now the Nadadores coach, Jim was torn between his alliances, and still stinging from my observation the night before - while Stevie and Mariah may both be flakes of a different squall, at least Steve write her own rhyme!

Non-sequiturs not following, The Nads put on a good show during the Winter Party. I'm sure the parties that weekend were legendary in the circuit party crowd, but I prefer a good game of Cranium with some friends, even as they justly accuse me of cheating. I met a new friend, Nicole; caught up with old friends Jill, Michele, Jim and Yohandre; eye-balled the Nadadores calendar boys (don't tell Eric); and talked up our meet with some of the local folks.

And that for me, is why I love to be a Fin. Though there may have been many moons shining that night throughout Miami, it was the evasive satellite of the Earth that I enjoyed with a few of the satellite Fins who orbit my world.

Burned upon re-entry,
Brian Cahill

So Much To Do….. - Wed Feb 14, 2007

Greetings Fins,

We have many, many things going on with the team this year, and I thought I'd outline most of them here to give you a head's up. I'll need your help with a lot of this since I may soon be tied up trying to prove my paternity of Dannielynn. What?

• Practice Issues
• Vice President
• Swim Meet Committee
• Lifeguard Training
• Miami Meet / Lower Bucks Y Meet
• Paris IGLA
• Merit Awards
• Water Polo
• Twisted Karaoke

Thank you and good night,
 

Table for 18? - Fri Dec 22, 2006

More Than Just Ice Cream does, in fact, have more than just ice cream. Last night it had 18 Fins and friends show up for a somewhat impromptu dinner and night out on the town after practice. As I looked around the tables, with my new and improved eyesight, I saw nary a serving of ice cream in the whole bunch.

I did see bacon on a veggie burger, which caused me to rub my eyes in disbelief. Is there a side effect from LASIK that causes pork products to appear where they shouldn't? Somewhat befuddled, I then mused to myself on the irony of my piping hot chili.

When not self-involved, I took the time to socialize with old and new team members – one of the benefits of the team I most enjoy. I was reminded of my first days on the team some ten years ago, when at a similar event I inquired about an unfamiliar term. "Umm, what's a `top'?" The reply? "Oh honey, you are new!" Aah naivete, thy name is youth. Well, relative youth anyway.

It was great to see a number of our newer younger members out and about, at ease in coming out at an earlier age than previous generations. I'd like to credit organizations like the Fins for doing their part in making this a reality. My belief though is that GLBT organizations should have self-obsolescence as one of their goals, but I'll leave that eventuality to some distant future Fins Board.

Obviously in need of a drink, I grinded over to Bump with the gang for a fancy over-priced cocktail before we sauntered over to Bob and Barbara's for the real deal – a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a shot of Jimmy Beam for three bucks. Now we're talking! Oh, and it was drag night.

Thanks to our health-nut mayor, persons of questionable gender and orientation weren't the only ones dragging that night. Smokers were out in force, and I'm talking about cigarettes – though there was one guy with a bowler hat and a pipe who I initially mistook for Colonel Mustard.

Forgoing an ex-smoker's rant, I focused my attention on our gang dispersed throughout the very diverse crowd, who were having a blast - and not minding getting a little dirty. Whoops and hollers filled the cloudy air, as bad music, hair and outfits swirled about. As I finally shuffled home, I recalled reminding myself to look up the actual definition of "fabulous". I don't think they know what it means.

bjc

Sunday In The Pool, With George - Tue Nov 7, 2006

As I basked in the ideal 80-degree temperature of Arcadia University's pool all by myself in lane 2 last Sunday, I took comfort in the fact that George Horan was steadily at work by himself in lane 1. With my head throbbing and stomach churning, it was nice to have someone else set the pace for my clouded mind.

I don't normally have a hangover on Sunday mornings (okay, that's a lie), but perhaps that's why George looks ten years my junior, when the opposite is true. I could try hair dye, yoga and yogurt, but I do prefer my beer, bratwurst and platinum-colored hair.

Leading a lane is difficult enough with poor vision, but the comfort of having George next door eased my mind after I squinted at the formidable set Jen had prescribed on the blackboard. She was clearly the "S" to my "M" that morning, which is why I love her.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I won't be able to avoiding leading the lane in the near future, as my near-sightedness is due to be blasted away by laser this Thursday. I plan to listen to the "Best Of Star Trek Sound Effects" during the procedure to satisfy both my nerd quotient, and sense of irony. I'll pass on making the `Klingons around a certain planet' joke here. Oops.

So, if you don't see me IN the pool during the next several weeks as I recover, you will see me around the pool. That is, if I don't see you first. (I'll be the one in the Arcadia hot tub when you arrive!)

bjc